I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
