Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
