I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This house was built for laser tag.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
