Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
whose parrot is this?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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