I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
