sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
