I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
NoShamevember. You game?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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