I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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