my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
