Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
