new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
