Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
