I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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