Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
