apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
