Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
