my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
