PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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