everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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