is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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