I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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