Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
