i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
