and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
