i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
