I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
