we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
