a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They have beer where we have blood.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
