i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
