I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
