just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
