Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
