I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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