M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
