He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
