Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
