she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
