I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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