You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
