mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
