I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm too high and old for this...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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