I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
