i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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