I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
