I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
