when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
