I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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