are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
