i love accidental penises.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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