6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
