The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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