Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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