Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
as a side note pls kill me
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