Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
