in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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