i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
